Top Bull
by icarus enjoyed the view
Summary: just a one shot, rizacentric, sorta a look into rizas first few days in ishbal, maybe a bit of havocai if you squint
1. just a peice of cattle

Hey, this is my attempt at some form of humor, I've had it for a while, but due to my inept laziness I just sort of let it sit in my notebook forever. Its not super edited so don't yell if there's spelling issues (this means u mike!!) of course, thank you to Terrin for continuing the obsessing, go Iowa (inside joke, don't think about it to hard, your head will explode) and thanks to Mike for bugging me enough to get me to post this.

Je ne own pas, et tu ne sue pas

Its Franglish, if you can't read it, well… then you suck

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Top Bull

_Did I sign up to be a soldier or a piece of cattle? _Riza Hawkeye had been seriously debating this question all day, and still had no answer. At this rate she was going to be too tired to dodge bullets or whatever the hell they were supposed to be doing out here. _Couldn't the fuhrer decide to eliminate a civilization that WASN'T in the middle of nowhere?_

"Hey are we almost there, my feet are really killing me." Okay, she had lied. The dawn till dusk marching through the scorching desert was not actually that tiring. It was more the fact that these whiny little mommas' boys she was supposed to call comrades kept asking the same freakin' question every five freakin' minutes. They obviously weren't almost there, she didn't have food, and no way in hell was she going to carry them the rest of the way. If they didn't shut up soon she was seriously gonna

"Men, if you don't shut yer pie holes I'm gonna make the Ishballans damage look like candy n' roses." Wow, the sergeant took the words right out of her mouth, fat chance it'd last though.

Three more hours of walking, seventeen more annoying questions, and one very amusing example of what it looked like when an idiot was thrown against the sand so hard he got buried up to his neck passed before they reached the temporary base the military had set up. After setting up her tent, Riza reluctantly went to sit near the campfire as it seemed to be the only reliable piece of light besides the lanterns in the officer's tents. She would never stop being grateful to her grandfather for managing to smuggle her books, now only if he could smuggle her some decent food too.

"They all swooned when they saw my uniform; I swear this thing's like catnip." Great, the daily bragging competition was beginning, like there weren't already enough distractions.

"Seriously, I don't think this war's going to be that bad. I mean maybe for you guys, but I graduated with honors from the academy, they've been running me on shooting drills since I was 16." That was Jean Havoc. He was an idiot, a bragger, and most annoyingly, a decent shot. "Honestly, I bet 50 Sens that I could best anyone here at marksmanship."

Now he had done it. There were nearly 200 new recruits staying in the camp for the night, and every one of them was ready to fight for the position of best shooter. One of Havoc's friends fished out an old practice target and nailed it to a nearby boulder.

One by one the men stepped up to win the title, and every time that idiot managed to get just a bit closer to the center. Eventually no one wanted to be humiliated anymore.

"So are there no more takers?" yelled a portly redhead, holding up havoc's arm in triumph. "No? I guess my man her wins it, if your all gonna be a bunch of girls." That was it. She was going to let him win this, to boost his confidence, but if this was how he acted, well then she had no problem knocking it right back down again.

"Set up the targets again." she said calmly, picking up her rifle. The two men looked at each other, and promptly burst out laughing, the entire camp following in their example. "Just shut up and shoot." He obeyed and followed her towards the target amidst hoots of support from the crowd. He readied his gun, quickly aimed, and shot it slightly to the left of the bull's eye. It was a good shot, but not amazing. He was obviously proud of it considering how many high fives he was getting from that horde of monkeys he called friends.

She raised the rifle and looked over at her target

"Hey babe, you can cry on my shoulder when you loose, I'll make sure those guys don't mock you too much." The so called champion came over and whispered. Oh she must remember to thank him for that later.

She aimed

The monkeys would probably be insulted she compared those imbeciles to them, she would have to apologize.

She Fired

It was dead center of the bull's eye. A smirk began to form across her face as the group remained speechless as she got up and walked over. One by one they broke into applause. She shoved the rifle into his arms and leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"Guess I won't need that shoulder after all Havoc." He stood there frozen as she turned away, his face bright red in his embarrassment.

Picking up her book and heading back towards her tent, Riza Hawkeye realized something. If she was going to be cattle, she might as well be top bull.

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So what do you think? I like the concept, but again, I started with one idea and ended up changing half way through, so it seems a bit choppy to me. Please review, I have evil ninjas (and dashing bandits) at my disposal, and will have them attack you if you don't. YAY!! NINJAS!!!!


	2. even a soldier needs a friend

I randomly felt like writing that follow-up to top bull that I promised everyone, it didn't turn out the way I wanted it too but I still like it. I'm not really sure it fits as a second chapter though, it doesn't really seem to fit the vibe the other one was giving so I might leave top bull as a one shot and make this one into a new series. Anyways, tell me what you think (A,K,A. review people).

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"Hey…Hey you, wait up."

That idiot was running behind her, what the hell. Hadn't he realized by now that she wasn't going to answer? Who cares if they call hey a bitch? She wasn't about to be nice to them for no reason. She wasn't kind and she wasn't about to hang out with these immature boys who were so sex deprived they'd probably fuck the next thing that moved.

"You're so rude, you could at least talk to me?" she spun around to look him in the eye.

"You want to talk about what's rude? I'll tell you what's fucking rude. Following people around, harassing them, never leaving them alone when they obviously don't want to fucking talk.

"I know your type Havoc, this desert is full of chumps like you. Skirt chasers who were the big man on campus back at the academy. Guys who always had the happy, cheery life, never went hungry, never had to fend for themselves. Everyone around you just thought you were mister perfect didn't they. Well out here you're just like the rest off us, starving and covered in dust."

That felt so good. She was panting from the effort of yelling, but he looked sufficiently chastened. The one thing she couldn't stand was recruits green from their academy days. Ha-ha, that was almost laughable, she supposed she looked the same; she only had one battle under her belt so far. Those few hours in the watchtower seemed to have aged her a hundred years.

The twelve-year-old Elizabeth who laughed at her father's goofy ex-student and dreamed of becoming a ballerina had fallen away.

Elizabeth was dead. She had turned into this hardened shell of a human being who shot children between the eyes and kicked away potential friends before they could tear up her heart when they died. She suddenly felt guilty, she had bitched to havoc simply to make herself feel better. Its not like it's his fault that they're both stuck in this hellhole.

She quickly turned and looked for where he had escaped to after her little um… outburst. Damn, how'd he get like 300 meters away so quickly? She broke into a sprint in an attempt to catch him, how ironic; they were in the exact opposite situations a few minutes ago.

"Hey…Hey Havoc"

He spun around, with a questioning look on his face.

"What, you come back to yell at me some more?" Ouch, that hurt, not that she could really blame him.

"No just offering some advice." She beamed out at him. "You're a good shot Havoc, but you could be better. Drop your elbow when you aim, and try not to squint, your eyes work better as a pair."

"Why?" he asked, obviously referring to her suddenly treating him like a human being.

She smiled shyly to herself and raised her head to look into his eyes.

"Even a soldier needs a friend."


End file.
